Intimacy Lesson 11

Pornography's Destructive Power
Pornography is an addictive and destructive behavior that has the ability to ruin a marriage. Those who engage in this behavior often feel trapped and often hide things from those around them. As Victor Cline said in our reading this week,
"The big problem with pornography is that it presents sex out of context. It presents sex in an untrue manner and creates an image that sex exists as an entity all by itself. This, or course, is not the way real life usually is…Pornography is counterfeit sex. It’s sex without affection and tenderness and dedication; and most of all, for Latter-day Saints, pornography is without an understanding of the purpose of sex and how it relates to the eternal scheme of things."
Satan knows our weaknesses and he feeds on the small strike of a match and turns our problems into full blown bonfires of burdens. We have dealt with the problem of pornography in our own home. As we have worked through the years and tears of addiction we are on a road of recovery. Addiction can be difficult to understand sometimes and Dr. Kevin McCauley does a great job explaining how the brain works with addiction in the video linked at the bottom of my post. He says,
"Addiction is never an escape from responsibility for our choices and our actions, but it does affect our brains like a disease that is difficult to control. Because addiction rewires the brain, the substances and behaviors we are addicted to may seem impossible to quite. However, there is hope; the brain can change."
Overcoming Pornography
Like with any addiction, those who are addicted to pornography need a support program if available. While prayer, fasting, faith and scripture reading are important, it is simply not enough. You cannot pray or read enough scriptures to make pornography go away. They need help to overcome this binding addiction. While it might be tempting to shun and withdraw this is not the answer. Those addicted often feel lost and forgotten. The entire family can feel the effects whether they know it is happening or not. Those who carry this burden need support and help back onto the right path, we can't make them but if they are willing we can be a support. As with most addictions you don't just wake up one day and you are recovered, it is learning to live a lifetime of recovery.
Finding Healing
Healing from addiction of any kind is difficult. Just like those who face the addiction of pornography need help so does the spouse and family. The amazing thing is that there are groups for both those who are addicted and their spouses. Healing can come, it might take years but through much prayer and guidance from the Spirit you can know best how to help those who struggle. I know in my case I punished my husband in smalls obscure ways for a long time with judgement, impatience and not forgiving, thinking I'm not the one doing the wrong thing here. I have learned though that I AM NOT his judge. If I can forgive others I too can forgive him. With lots of prayer and seeking for help to just love again I am finding greater peace in my heart and in our home.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Covenant or Contract Marriage? Lesson 4

Wolves of Society In most religions today Jesus Christ is known as the "Good Shepherd," watching over us as his flock. It is fitting that we can easily pin the adversary as the wolves who are trying to prey on the innocent in our flock. In a talk given by Elder Bruce C. Hafen of the Seventy he mentions three different types of wolves that are apparent in marriages. They are the wolf of natural adversity, the wolf of their own imperfections, and the wolf of excessive individualism. The interesting thing to note is that this talk was given in 1996, but we can see the application of these principles continue to plague marriages even more than twenty years later.  The article really points out the difference between a covenant marriage and a contract marriage. We all know people around us who readily accept contract marriages and think it is not a big deal to separate. However, when we look at the problems in society today, we can usually link it back to families and where ...
Read more

Managing Conflict Lesson 9

When I read Elder Lynn G. Robbins talk titled “Agency and Anger” from the 1998 General Conference there were three different quotes that stood out to me. Stirring  Up Contention He damages and often destroys families within the walls of their own homes. His strategy is to stir up  anger  between family members. Satan is the “father of contention, and he stirreth up the hearts of men to contend with  anger,  one with another” (3 Ne. 11:29). The verb  stir  sounds like a recipe for disaster: Put tempers on medium heat, stir in a few choice words, and bring to a boil; continue stirring until thick; cool off; let feelings chill for several days; serve cold; lots of leftovers. Satan will try anything to destroy families. He knows their role and the importance they are to Heavenly Father. Families are eternal and Satan has given up the right to have that and so he doesn’t want anyone else to have it either. So often I have let little problems become b...
Read more

Being United Lesson 12

Unity in the Gospel In our desire to be united as couples, families and saints we can turn to the Lord for direction. We can learn the importance and skills necessary from gospel principles. In a talk by Henry B. Eyring titled, "That We May Be One" he tells about different ways that we can learn and train ourselves in being united. He teaches us that by living close to the Spirit and being worthy of it helps us to be united with the Lord and be one in purpose. We find this throughout the gospel, in so many cases we are united in purpose. Elder Eyring also gave a warning against pride which is an easy destroyer of unity. When we let the small prideful things get in the way we might be left with hurt and disappoint. Elder Eyring said, “ A unity which comes to a family or to a people softened by the Spirit will bring great power. With that power will come recognition from the world. Whether that recognition brings praise or envy, it could lead us to pride. That would offend...
Read more