You + Me = We

Building Relationships Relationships are important, especially when it comes to family. They are eternal bonds that are built upon trust and devotion. When families work together they are laying the foundation for eternal relationships. Relationships are hard and take work but when people are willing to put forth effort then they can achieve goals and be better communicators. Often we find differences in relationships in the way we communicate, act and respond. In "Creating Healthy Ties With In-Laws and Extended Families" it says, "Difference is something that can be anticipated and even looked forward to because of its potential for creating growth in family members. Prayer, fasting, and loving long-suffering are the best remedies when differences...bother us." As we acknowledge and work through differences and trials together it can bring greater bonds in families and marriages. Being married is one of the hardest but most rewarding relationships. Not only ...

Unity in the Gospel In our desire to be united as couples, families and saints we can turn to the Lord for direction. We can learn the importance and skills necessary from gospel principles. In a talk by Henry B. Eyring titled, "That We May Be One" he tells about different ways that we can learn and train ourselves in being united. He teaches us that by living close to the Spirit and being worthy of it helps us to be united with the Lord and be one in purpose. We find this throughout the gospel, in so many cases we are united in purpose. Elder Eyring also gave a warning against pride which is an easy destroyer of unity. When we let the small prideful things get in the way we might be left with hurt and disappoint. Elder Eyring said, “ A unity which comes to a family or to a people softened by the Spirit will bring great power. With that power will come recognition from the world. Whether that recognition brings praise or envy, it could lead us to pride. That would offend...

Pornography's Destructive Power Pornography is an addictive and destructive behavior that has the ability to ruin a marriage. Those who engage in this behavior often feel trapped and often hide things from those around them. As Victor Cline said in our reading this week, "The big problem with pornography is that it presents sex out of context. It presents sex in an untrue manner and creates an image that sex exists as an entity all by itself. This, or course, is not the way real life usually is…Pornography is counterfeit sex. It’s sex without affection and tenderness and dedication; and most of all, for Latter-day Saints, pornography is without an understanding of the purpose of sex and how it relates to the eternal scheme of things." Satan knows our weaknesses and he feeds on the small strike of a match and turns our problems into full blown bonfires of burdens. We have dealt with the problem of pornography in our own home. As we have worked through the years an...

Charity  In the Book of Mormon it says, "charity is the pure love of Christ, and it endureth forever (Moroni 7:47)." As we strive to incorporate charity into our lives we are continually trying to do a little better to improve each day. Often when we think of having charity it can feel like big dramatic changes that we should make, but simple changes, small daily changes can make a big difference.   "Marvin J. Ashton explains this principle well: "Perhaps the greatest charity comes when we are kind to each other, when we don't judge or categorize someone else, when we simply give each other the benefit of the doubt or remain quiet. Charity is accepting someone's differences, weaknesses, and shortcomings; having patience with someone who has let us down." As we turn toward the Savior and reflect his true love of charity we have to be willing and have a desire to change our actions, behaviors, thoughts and desires. We must align our hearts with his...

When I read Elder Lynn G. Robbins talk titled “Agency and Anger” from the 1998 General Conference there were three different quotes that stood out to me. Stirring  Up Contention He damages and often destroys families within the walls of their own homes. His strategy is to stir up  anger  between family members. Satan is the “father of contention, and he stirreth up the hearts of men to contend with  anger,  one with another” (3 Ne. 11:29). The verb  stir  sounds like a recipe for disaster: Put tempers on medium heat, stir in a few choice words, and bring to a boil; continue stirring until thick; cool off; let feelings chill for several days; serve cold; lots of leftovers. Satan will try anything to destroy families. He knows their role and the importance they are to Heavenly Father. Families are eternal and Satan has given up the right to have that and so he doesn’t want anyone else to have it either. So often I have let little problems become b...

In President Benson's talk, "Beware of Pride" he warns us to avoid the sin of pride in our lives. In his talk he reminds us that the people in the Book of Mormon brought on their own destruction because of pride. Pride is looking inward and disregarding the feelings of others. It is not just thinking we are better than others but as President Benson says, "The central feature of pride is enmity—enmity toward God and enmity toward our fellowmen.  Enmity  means “hatred toward, hostility to, or a state of opposition.” It is the power by which Satan wishes to reign over us." As I thought about this quote from the talk it made me think of my own relationships especially my marriage relationship. Two ways I have seen this in my own marriage is not being able to see opposing views and the lack of help for one another.Satan wants us to be miserable and make others feel miserable so badly that he will try the most destructive antics as his warfare. His favorite thin...

Marriage is tough ... All of us have had trials in our lives including myself but being married is one of the hardest things I have ever experienced in my life. There are highs and lows like I never expected. I have been disappointed and hurt but have also been overjoyed and elated. Thus, marriage is the roller coaster of life. This week in Gottman's book we learned about being able to turn to our spouses which is "funding...their emotional bank." It is though small events that help the couples relationship to grow. Recently on a Monday morning I had sent the kids to school and was feeling accomplished as I had just finished my scripture study and morning prayer. I settled in to get a lot of homework done when the phone rang. I recognized the number and knew it was the high school. The counselor gave me some devastating news regarding my son which would require medical attention. I felt like I was going to crumble, it was the final straw of discord in our home and in...

" There are few greater gifts a couple can give each other than the joy that comes from feeling known and understood. Getting to know each other shouldn't be a chore." John Gottman What are Love Maps? Have you heard of a love map before? Well, neither had I until now. Love Maps are the foundation which John Gottman builds  marital relationships. Basically a love map is having a foundation of friendship, knowing the little things about your partner, their hopes, dreams and desires, which "creates a strong foundation for your friendship and intimacy." In chapter 4 of John Gottman's book, Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work he suggest 60 questions to help couples start their love map.  While the exercise might seem silly or too simple,  it is getting back to the foundation which your friendship is built on. Why are Love Maps Important? Love maps are important because the best way to build a relationship is by finding commonalities with on...

The Natural Man is an Enemy to God In the scriptures we read about the natural man and that he is an enemy to God. In the online Guide the Scriptures it says, "A person who chooses to be influenced by the passions, desires, appetites, and senses of the flesh rather than by the promptings of the Holy Spirit. Such a person can comprehend physical things but not spiritual things."  While I have read and quoted the scriptures many time I thought about this and asked myself why is the natural man an enemy to God? As I really contemplated it this time I was reminded that everything was created spiritually first and if this is so then man was created spiritually first. In the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints we believe that we lived with God before we were born and that our spirits are eternal. Then I thought about just the body we gain when we come to earth. Think, if your body could exist on it's own, it would be subject to earthly tendencies. The body alone cann...

Wolves of Society In most religions today Jesus Christ is known as the "Good Shepherd," watching over us as his flock. It is fitting that we can easily pin the adversary as the wolves who are trying to prey on the innocent in our flock. In a talk given by Elder Bruce C. Hafen of the Seventy he mentions three different types of wolves that are apparent in marriages. They are the wolf of natural adversity, the wolf of their own imperfections, and the wolf of excessive individualism. The interesting thing to note is that this talk was given in 1996, but we can see the application of these principles continue to plague marriages even more than twenty years later.  The article really points out the difference between a covenant marriage and a contract marriage. We all know people around us who readily accept contract marriages and think it is not a big deal to separate. However, when we look at the problems in society today, we can usually link it back to families and where ...

"The greatest guardians of any and all virtues are marriage and family." Living in "Perilous Times" In the New Testament Paul teaches, "in the last days perilous times shall come." What does this mean for the world we live in. If you think about how the world has changed dramatically in many aspects over the past 50 years Paul's words hold true.  "Men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, Without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good, Traitors, heady, highminded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God; Having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away." (2 Timothy 3:1-5) I think we can agree that we have seen these things begin to infiltrate the world around us. In my own life I hav...

In a conference address in 1980 President Spencer W. Kimball said, “Many of the social restraints which in the past have helped to reinforce and to shore up the family are dissolving and disappearing. The time will come when only those who believe deeply and actively in the family will be able to preserve their families in the midst of the gathering evil around us.” This counsel was from almost 40 years ago and yet we can see its relevance in the world we live in today. Truly the need for strong, connected and solid family structure is an asset and necessity to help us through and “preserve…families.” Three ways we can do this is by preserving the structure of the family unit, obeying the law of chastity and honoring covenants made with the Lord. President Kimball also said in his talk, “society without basic family life is without foundation and will disintegrate into nothingness.” The family is the basic unit for society and as families denigrate through divorce ...